When it all ends....

What a risk it was. I still remember the moment when I left what I used to know as my home. It was really one of the hardest moments in my life. That day... my closest friends spent the night with me, and we did nothing but play board games, and they supported me in my packing endeavors. The night didn't last long, because as you know in times like these, it all moves in fast forward. Then came the trip to the airport with my friends. The long tearful goodbye. Never have I ever faced something so difficult, because I was leaving everything I knew in my life to start a new chapter. A chapter I didn't know what to expect.

The time in Korea, just like my last night, moves in fast forward. However I have accumulated so many memories within this past year, and I have grown as a person. I think back and I think of all the relationships I made and lost. The crazy times that I have had. The things that I learned.

This journey has always been about me and fulfilling my dreams of traveling, and this opportunity have opened the doors. Coming from the background I come from, lower middle class boy from Mira Loma, it's not really in his future to do the things I've been doing today. And the journey is not even close to being over.

In two months I'll be finished with my teaching contract, and I will go back to the place I left. The place that will always probably be what I call "home". I'll see the family, and I will see the friends. And it feels so surreal. My life back in California seems like another life, and although I know I'm the same person, I almost feel like a different person is going back. But in the end I'm not. I'm still Andy. Andy who is aware that if your not laughing at life you're not living it. Andy who appreciates everything that comes his way. Andy who is unafraid to take risks.

I may be cheesy about this all, but what the hell that's me, I'm a cheesy person. I had a rare gem of an experience and it's not quite over yet. I decided to do another year here in Korea, but at a different place. I didn't quite accomplish all the goals I wanted to while I was out here. There is still more growing and learning this boy needs to do before he goes back to his reality.

When it all ends... that was the names of this blog. But it's not over yet; the journey is not over. A part of it closing, but another part is opening!

Life Without Expectations

What would happen if you were able to delete expectation from your life? Is it even possible. Well according to Yongmun (on the left), a Finnish monk living in Korea you can. Should I try to follow suite and attempt to live a life without expectation from others? It's time to make a major change and implement this advice in my life, which I consider one of the most valid piece of advice i heard in a very long time. I mean come on the man does sit there and meditates for hours, i'm pretty these deep thoughts concocted valid life solutions.
It has been a trend in my relationships and friendships to have high expectations, with every aspect, of any kind of relationship . Having high expectation in life is not so bad, but when you sit there and scrutinize every single action a person does or doesn't make, that's where the line should be drawn. I think about all the times I got upset because of the right thing wasn't said, or I wasn't comforted in way that I would expect. What a waste of energy. I'm the type a person that says that he can't live to anyone standards but his own. So, why is it that I expect things from others?
Here's the problem. My extreme confidence in my logic and decisions making skills. I'm an arrogant bastard when it comes to that, because of course in my eyes I could never do anything wrong. And well to some small extent it's almost true. One of my best qualities I find is my consideration for others, which I'm sure some people can argue against this, but really you can't please everybody. Because of this pseudo idea of consideration, I always ask myself WWAD? And of course in my head I would always react the way I would expect the other person to. Yeah, what can I say I'm perfect....
Okay I lied i'm not perfect at all. I'm basing my expectations on comparing a hypothetical hypothesis of my own reaction in my head to actual reality, and honestly I've been doing it for the passed 26 years i've been on this Earth. Of course the fabricated scenario always wins! I always considered myself a great communicator but now that I'm thinking about this, fuck maybe i'm not. Can you see the logic and decision skills at work??? Yeah... me neither!
When I get upset I get in this bitter quiet mood, and I expect the person who made me upset to come to me. Of course right? Being the arrogant bastard I am, I never initiate because I never do anything wrong. And then I expect them to know what they did wrong! God i'm so embarrassed to admitting this, because I realize how immature and anti-functional my process of anger really is. No solutions are ever made, except for me telling the person what I would expect next time, which of course they can never give, because everyone has different ways of handling situations.
Now this is where blogspot comes into my life. I want to not only document my adventures, my life, but also my Incomplete Thoughts. A lot of what I say will be disorganized chaos, because thats how my minds works. Hopefully the start of this blog writing process will allow me to organize thoughts, and have better solutions for myself. My first blog is dedicated to a change I want to make in my life, and that is to not expect anything from anyone. Instead I need to better vocalize the things I want, and enjoy people for the flaw beings that they are. I accepted myself as a flawed individual, so now it's time that I do the same for others. I would update the process later in the writing process, because right now I don't have an answer.... so we shall see...
Good luck self
<3
Self